Dating the Quarterback: Why Your PCP Is Your Most Important Relationship & How to Pick the Right One
When my Primary Care Physician (PCP) said, “Kara, you do not have a medical background,” I felt a familiar sting. Despite nine months of persistent symptoms, my questions were met with defensiveness, not curiosity.
“I need you to minimize the hallway medicine,” he once told me, referring to advice I’d sought from a radiologist friend. Other responses included:
“I don’t have an answer for this.”
“Sometimes we never know why.”
“It’s just stress.”
“Have you considered getting a puppy?”
“We can treat your weight issues as aggressively as you’d like.”
Note: I had not referenced my weight in any way when this recommendation was provided.
As women, we know these conversations all too well. Why is stress always the fallback? Why are real, measurable symptoms — like my elevated CRP and ESR inflammation markers — so often minimized? Especially when science tells us these markers point to underlying issues, not just “nerves” (NIH, 2023).
After months of advocating for myself, I finally saw a specialist at Duke University. He agreed on the need for more tests, which the PCP ordered, but even then, miscommunications led to wrong orders and more waiting.
The radiologist literally wrote “this test does not pertain to symptoms as described” in my chart, unsure of what was needed. It’s as if my PCPs bias influenced the key strokes and led to unnecessary human error – the wrong checked box led to more waiting.
The Knowledge Gap and Trust Gap in Women’s Healthcare
This isn’t just my story. It’s a pattern. Maya Dusenbery, in Doing Harm: The Truth About How Bad Medicines and Lazy Science Leave Women Dismissed, MIsdiagnosed, and Sick, describes two major barriers for women in healthcare: the knowledge gap (a lack of research on women’s bodies) and the trust gap (women’s symptoms often being dismissed or doubted) (Dusenbery, 2018).
Women are too often not believed, and even when they are believed, sometimes we just don’t have the data available to understand their symptoms.
Why Your PCP Is the Quarterback of Your Health Team
I like to think of my PCP as the quarterback of my health journey—they are the leader who calls the plays, coordinates care, and helps navigate the complex field of U.S. healthcare. Here’s why this relationship matters most:
Coordination. Your PCP connects the dots between specialists, tests, and treatments.
Advocacy. A good PCP listens, respects your input, and stands up for your needs.
Prevention. They guide you on screenings and lifestyle choices to keep you healthy long-term.
Your professional partnership with them should be rooted in dignity and respect. Like your place of work, the conversations with your PCP should be candid and professional. You should leave every meeting with your questions answered [or a plan on how to get you those answers] and clear alignment on next steps.
“Date Around” Before Choosing a PCP
In terms of your PCP, you don’t have to settle for the first one you meet. Unlike an emergency room, where you are limited to the care providers available in your region or on a given shift, when it comes to your PCP, it is entirely up to you. You have the right to determine who you build this partnership with.
I don’t mind sharing. I’m on my third PCP in less than a year. What am I looking for? To be seen and heard and to find an evidence-based practitioner who takes my word as the patient seriously.
After all, as Eric Topol notes in Deep Medicine: How Artificial Intelligence Can Make Healthcare Human Again, “We physicians have long known that patients know their body and that we need to listen to them.”
Your PCP is the expert in family medicine and preventative care, but you are the expert in YOU!
Thanks to telehealth, you’re no longer limited to local options. Services like Zocdoc and PlushCare let you compare providers and even see reviews from other women, helping level the playing field in a system that hasn’t always served us equally (Commonwealth Fund, 2022).
Three Questions to Ask Your Next PCP
Part of “dating around” and finding the right PCP, means getting an understanding of what matters most to you. I recommend you prepare for your meeting with a new potential primary care provider the same way you would prepare for a meeting at work. Have a clear agenda, and have a clear list of questions rooted in what matters most to you.
Here are a few questions you might consider asking a new PCP to see if they are right for you:
How do you approach unexplained symptoms, especially in women?
Are you comfortable collaborating with specialists and respecting second opinions?
What’s your philosophy on patient involvement in care decisions?
For me, the answers to these questions and more were paramount, and I’m pleased to report that the call that opened this blog is the last call I will have with the second PCP I tried this year.
The third PCP I vetted this year answered all of my questions and created a safe space where I felt like I can truly be an active participant and help inform the decisions about my own care plan.
Join The Soothe Edit: A Community for Healing and Connection
The Soothe Edit is a vibrant Discord community for women and caregivers who want to take charge of their health, connect with others, and access exclusive wellness content—all in a supportive, science-backed environment.
Why Join Us?
Accessible, Real-World Wellness: Get practical, evidence-based tips on managing inflammation and thriving in today’s world.
Empowerment Through Knowledge: Access expert-curated resources and actionable strategies to support your well-being.
Supportive Community: Share your journey, find motivation, and connect with others who understand what you’re going through.
Whether you’re managing inflammation, navigating caregiving, or simply seeking a community focused on holistic health, The Soothe Edit is your go-to space. The first 100 members receive a special gift — join us and start your healing journey today.
To your health,
<3 Kara
Disclaimer:
Drafted by Kara and thoughtfully refined with the help of AI editing tools to ensure clarity and accuracy; graphics may include stock imagery and are not always original photography.
I am not a medical professional. The information provided on this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with your healthcare provider before making any changes to your diet, wellness routine, or health practices.
