Dating the Quarterback: Why Your PCP Is Your Most Important Relationship & How to Pick the Right One

When my Primary Care Physician (PCP) said, “Kara, you do not have a medical background,” I felt a familiar sting. Despite nine months of persistent symptoms, my questions were met with defensiveness, not curiosity.

 “I need you to minimize the hallway medicine,” he once told me, referring to advice I’d sought from a radiologist friend. Other responses included:

“I don’t have an answer for this.”

“Sometimes we never know why.”

“It’s just stress.”

“Have you considered getting a puppy?”

“We can treat your weight issues as aggressively as you’d like.” 

Note: I had not referenced my weight in any way when this recommendation was provided.

As women, we know these conversations all too well. Why is stress always the fallback? Why are real, measurable symptoms — like my elevated CRP and ESR inflammation markers — so often minimized? Especially when science tells us these markers point to underlying issues, not just “nerves” (NIH, 2023).

After months of advocating for myself, I finally saw a specialist at Duke University. He agreed on the need for more tests, which the PCP ordered, but even then, miscommunications led to wrong orders and more waiting. 

The radiologist literally wrote “this test does not pertain to symptoms as described” in my chart, unsure of what was needed. It’s as if my PCPs bias influenced the key strokes and led to unnecessary human error – the wrong checked box led to more waiting.

The Knowledge Gap and Trust Gap in Women’s Healthcare

This isn’t just my story. It’s a pattern. Maya Dusenbery, in Doing Harm: The Truth About How Bad Medicines and Lazy Science Leave Women Dismissed, Misdiagnosed, and Sick, describes two major barriers for women in healthcare: the knowledge gap (a lack of research on women’s bodies) and the trust gap (women’s symptoms often being dismissed or doubted) (Dusenbery, 2018).

Women are too often not believed, and even when they are believed, sometimes we just don’t have the data available to understand their symptoms.

Why Your PCP Is the Quarterback of Your Health Team

I like to think of my PCP as the quarterback of my health journey—they are the  leader who calls the plays, coordinates care, and helps navigate the complex field of U.S. healthcare. Here’s why this relationship matters most:

1. Coordination. Your PCP connects the dots between specialists, tests, and treatments.

2. Advocacy. A good PCP listens, respects your input, and stands up for your needs.

3. Prevention. They guide you on screenings and lifestyle choices to keep you healthy long-term.

Your professional partnership with them should be rooted in dignity and respect. Like your place of work, the conversations with your PCP should be candid and professional. You should leave every meeting with your questions answered [or a plan on how to get you those answers] and clear alignment on next steps.  

“Date Around” Before Choosing a PCP

In terms of your PCP, you don’t have to settle for the first one you meet. Unlike an emergency room, where you are limited to the care providers available in your region or on a given shift, when it comes to your PCP, it is entirely up to you. You have the right to determine who you build this partnership with. 

I don’t mind sharing. I’m on my third PCP in less than a year. What am I looking for? To be seen and heard and to find an evidence-based practitioner who takes my word as the patient seriously.

After all, as Eric Topol notes in Deep Medicine: How Artificial Intelligence Can Make Healthcare Human Again, “We physicians have long known that patients know their body and that we need to listen to them.”

Your PCP is the expert in family medicine and preventative care, but you are the expert in YOU!

Thanks to telehealth, you’re no longer limited to local options. Services like Zocdoc and PlushCare let you compare providers and even see reviews from other women, helping level the playing field in a system that hasn’t always served us equally (Commonwealth Fund, 2022).

Three Questions to Ask Your Next PCP

Part of “dating around” and finding the right PCP, means getting an understanding of what matters most to you. I recommend you prepare for your meeting with a new potential primary care provider the same way you would prepare for a meeting at work. Have a clear agenda, and have a clear list of questions rooted in what matters most to you.

Here are a few questions you might consider asking a new PCP to see if they are right for you:

• How do you approach unexplained symptoms, especially in women?

• Are you comfortable collaborating with specialists and respecting second opinions?

• What’s your philosophy on patient involvement in care decisions?

For me, the answers to these questions and more were paramount, and I’m pleased to report that the call that opened this blog is the last call I will have with the second PCP I tried this year. 

The third PCP I vetted this year answered all of my questions and created a safe space where I felt like I can truly be an active participant and help inform the decisions about my own care plan. 

Join The Soothe Edit: A Community for Healing and Connection

The Soothe Edit is a vibrant Discord community for women and caregivers who want to take charge of their health, connect with others, and access exclusive wellness content—all in a supportive, science-backed environment.

Why Join Us?

• Accessible, Real-World Wellness: Get practical, evidence-based tips on managing inflammation and thriving in today’s world.

• Empowerment Through Knowledge: Access expert-curated resources and actionable strategies to support your well-being.

• Supportive Community: Share your journey, find motivation, and connect with others who understand what you’re going through.

Whether you’re managing inflammation, navigating caregiving, or simply seeking a community focused on holistic health, The Soothe Edit is your go-to space. The first 100 members receive a special gift — join us and start your healing journey today.

To your health,

<3 Kara

Disclaimer:

Drafted by Kara and thoughtfully refined with the help of AI editing tools to ensure clarity and accuracy; graphics may include stock imagery and are not always original photography.

I am not a medical professional. The information provided on this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with your healthcare provider before making any changes to your diet, wellness routine, or health practices.

Body On Fire: Why an Anti-Inflammatory Lifestyle Matters — Especially for Women

In today’s hyper-connected world, our bodies are constantly under siege. From endless news cycles and social media to the latest digital innovations, we’re exposed to more information and stimulation than ever before. But it’s not just our minds that are overwhelmed — our bodies absorb the impact of our environments, our diets, and our daily stressors.

The result? Many of us are living with chronic, low-grade inflammation — our bodies, quite literally, on fire.

What Is Inflammation and Why Should You Care?

Inflammation is a natural immune response designed to protect us from infection and injury. However, when inflammation becomes chronic — often due to poor diet, stress, lack of sleep, or environmental toxins — it can wreak havoc on our health. According to the World Health Organization, chronic diseases linked to inflammation, such as heart disease, diabetes, and autoimmune disorders, are responsible for 70% of all deaths worldwide.

The Post-Pandemic Rise in Inflammatory and Autoimmune Disorders

Recent research suggests that the COVID-19 pandemic has contributed to a rise in inflammatory and autoimmune conditions. Studies indicate that viral infections, including COVID-19, can trigger immune dysregulation, leading to a surge in new diagnoses of autoimmune diseases and worsening symptoms for those already affected. (Source: Nature Reviews Rheumatology, 2023)

Why Women Are at Greater Risk

While inflammation affects everyone, women are disproportionately impacted. Approximately 75% of people diagnosed with autoimmune disorders are women. (Source: Doing Harm: The Truth About How Bad Medicines and Lazy Science Leave Women Dismissed, MIsdiagnosed, and Sick by Maya Dusenbery)

“Approximately 75% of people diagnosed with autoimmune disorders are women.” - Maya Dusenbery

According to the Alzheimer’s Association as well as the National Osteoporosis Foundation, the trends are similar for these conditions as well. Women are not only at higher risk for conditions like Alzheimer’s disease and osteoporosis — both of which have inflammatory components, — nearly two-thirds of Americans with Alzheimer’s are women, and women account for 80% of osteoporosis cases in the U.S.

Speaking as a woman, these numbers are not just surprising. They are alarming.

Add to the fact that many autoimmune and inflammatory conditions lie dormant until triggered by major stressors or hormonal changes, like perimenopause, making women especially vulnerable to inflammation.

My Story: Navigating Inflammation and Finding Hope

I know these statistics aren’t just numbers — they’re real experiences. My journey began while caring for my mother in hospice and grieving her loss, while simultaneously entering perimenopause.

The combination of emotional stress and hormonal shifts set off a cascade of debilitating symptoms: blurry vision, eye pain, chronic nausea, and more. Nearly a year later, I’m still seeking answers and a diagnosis.

What I do know is this: my body feels like it’s on fire, attacking itself in ways that feel deeply personal — like my I am at war with myself. But I’ve also learned that I’m not powerless. By focusing on what I can control — my nutrition, my environment, my stress — I’m slowly soothing the flames.

What Is an Anti-Inflammatory Lifestyle?

Adopting an anti-inflammatory lifestyle means making daily choices that reduce inflammation and support whole-body wellness. This includes:

• Eating a whole-food, plant-forward diet: Emphasize fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats like omega-3s. Limit processed foods, refined sugars, and saturated fats. Science says: Diets rich in antioxidants and healthy fats (like the Mediterranean diet) are associated with lower inflammation and reduced risk of chronic disease. (Source: Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health)

• Managing stress: Chronic stress elevates cortisol and inflammatory markers. Mindfulness, meditation, and yoga are proven to help.

• Prioritizing sleep: Poor sleep increases inflammatory cytokines. Aim for 7–9 hours per night.

• Staying active: Regular movement reduces inflammation and boosts immune function.

• Minimizing environmental toxins: Filter your water, choose clean personal care products, and reduce exposure to pollutants where possible.

You don’t need an autoimmune disorder or any specific diagnosis to benefit from these best practices. In our fast-paced, digital world, making choices that calm — rather than inflame — the body can help anyone manage the relentless stress and information overload we all face today.

Join The Soothe Edit: A Community for Healing and Connection

The Soothe Edit is a vibrant Discord community for women and caregivers who want to take charge of their health, connect with others, and access exclusive wellness content—all in a supportive, science-backed environment.

Why Join Us?

• Accessible, Real-World Wellness: Get practical, evidence-based tips on managing inflammation and thriving in today’s world.

• Empowerment Through Knowledge: Access expert-curated resources and actionable strategies to support your well-being.

• Supportive Community: Share your journey, find motivation, and connect with others who understand what you’re going through.

Whether you’re managing inflammation, navigating caregiving, or simply seeking a community focused on holistic health, The Soothe Edit is your go-to space. The first 100 members receive a special gift — join us and start your healing journey today.

To Your Health,

Kara

Disclaimer:

Drafted by Kara and thoughtfully refined with the help of AI editing tools to ensure clarity and accuracy; graphics may include stock imagery and are not always original photography.

I am not a medical professional. The information provided on this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with your healthcare provider before making any changes to your diet, wellness routine, or health practices.

Some posts may contain affiliate links, and I may receive a commission or other benefits from qualifying purchases made through those links—at no additional cost to you.

What is inflammation?

Understanding the Body’s Defense—and When It Goes Too Far

When most people think of inflammation, the classic example comes to mind: you get a small cut, and the skin around it turns red and puffy. That redness and swelling? It’s your body’s inflammation response—a sign your immune system is working to protect and heal you.

But inflammation is much more than a surface reaction. According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), inflammation is “the body’s complex biological response to harmful stimuli, such as pathogens, damaged cells, or irritants.” In simple terms, it’s your body’s way of fighting back against anything it sees as a threat.

The Two Faces of Inflammation: Acute vs. Chronic

Healthy inflammation—sometimes called “acute inflammation”—is a short-term, targeted response. Think of the sore throat or fever you get when you have a cold or flu: your body is actively working to eliminate invaders and repair itself. Signs like redness, heat, swelling, pain, and sometimes temporary loss of function are all part of this normal healing process.

But what happens when inflammation doesn’t shut off?

That’s where chronic inflammation comes in. Unlike its short-term, helpful cousin, chronic inflammation is a long-term, often invisible process. The body remains in a constant state of alert, sometimes because it can’t eliminate the original cause or is exposed to ongoing irritants. Over time, this excessive or misdirected inflammatory response can actually harm your health.

Why Chronic Inflammation Matters—Especially for Women’s Health

Chronic inflammation is at the root of many common diseases—including asthma, diabetes, heart disease, and even cancer. It’s also a key factor in autoimmune disorders like Inflammatory Bowel Disease, lupus, and multiple sclerosis, where the body’s immune system mistakenly attacks its own healthy tissues.

Women, in particular, can be more susceptible to certain chronic inflammatory conditions due to hormonal fluctuations, unique immune responses, and other gender-specific factors. Understanding and managing inflammation is crucial for anyone on a wellness journey, but especially for women seeking to live healthier, more vibrant lives.

How to Support an Anti-Inflammatory Lifestyle

Adopting an anti-inflammatory lifestyle can be transformative. Focus on whole foods, regular movement, stress reduction, and prioritizing sleep. Staying informed about the latest healthcare technology and wellness tips can empower you to make choices that support your long-term health.

Join a Wellness Community Built for Women

At The Soothe Edit, we’re on a mission to demystify health, champion anti-inflammatory living, and harness the power of healthcare technology—especially for women navigating chronic inflammation and wellness challenges. Our vibrant in-person and digital communities offer support, education, and real connections for women in healthcare and anyone passionate about wellness.

If you’re ready to take control of your health and connect with others on a similar path, join The Soothe Edit’s online community today. Together, we’re building a space where women can thrive, advocate for themselves, and support one another on every step of their wellness journey.

To Your Health,

<3 Kara

Drafted by Kara, thoughtfully refined with the help of AI editing tools to ensure clarity and accuracy.

Someone’s Been Reading

A Woman’s Wellness Journey, Anti-Inflammatory Living, and Navigating Healthcare

It’s a hot summer day in June and, instead of enjoying nature, I’m in a hospital room, reflecting on my personal wellness journey. The IV in my right arm throbs with pain—a reminder of last night’s allergic reaction to an antibiotic injection. The damage to my vein is physically painful, but it doesn’t compare to the fear I felt during the allergic reaction itself.

A masked Pulmonologist enters, introducing himself as the hospital’s on-call specialist. I was admitted two days ago after a sudden asthma attack at 43—something I’d never experienced before. Seeing my oxygen saturation dip into the low 90s terrified both me and my partner. Now, we’re searching for answers: why did my numbers plummet, and what’s the path to recovery?

The Pulmonologist reviews my case, explaining that my lungs look mostly clear. The team prescribed antibiotics for mild pneumonia indications, but the infection likely wasn’t the root cause of my asthma attack.

By day, I’m a program manager for a global tech company—someone who thrives on understanding root causes and critical paths. I share details of my eight-month health decline, marked by steadily increasing ESR sedimentation rates and C-Reactive Protein levels—classic signs of chronic inflammation in women and possible autoimmune dysfunction. As I ask, “Doctor, did you see any evidence of sarcoid or sarcoidosis on the lung CT?” 

He replies, “Sarcoid? Wow, someone’s been reading.”

His tone drips with condescension, the kind I’ve encountered too often in healthcare—especially as a woman. Many specialists seem frustrated when patients, particularly women, come prepared with questions. 

I’ve even been told, “Kara, you do not have a medical background.” 

But I’ve learned that patient advocacy in healthcare is essential, especially for women navigating the complexities of the healthcare system.

Back to the pulmonologist—let’s call him Dr. Disregard. I explained, “Yes, Doctor. You caught me. I have been reading. Sarcoidosis was also one of the first tests my eye specialists recommended. It was negative last winter. Should we retest? Is there a chance it’s evolving?”

I reminded myself: stay calm, stay candid, and focus on evidence-based questions.

This experience was a turning point. It made me ask: When did we stop listening to women in healthcare? Why are doctors insulted when patients come armed with research? Most importantly, how do we empower women and caregivers to understand their well-being, advocate for anti-inflammatory lifestyles, and confidently navigate the U.S. healthcare system in a digital age?

This is my origin story. I was discharged from the hospital on June 26. Today, on Independence Day, I’m launching The Soothe Edit—a vibrant wellness community for women, both in-person and digital, where anti-inflammatory lifestyle tips and support for women in healthcare are prioritized. 

Our mission is to demystify health, champion anti-inflammation, and harness healthcare technology for wellness in the age of AI.

I invite you to join me in building a movement that could truly transform healthcare in America—empowering women’s health, supporting anti-inflammatory living, and promoting patient advocacy and wellness for a healthier future.

Start Your Wellness Journey

Become the boss of your wellness journey! Join The Soothe Edit online community or the #CaughtReading book club today!